How can we grow closer to others? By reciprocating trust and respect. In other words, I need to know that you have my back, and you have to feel that I believe in you. This is why giving and receiving good news is so beneficial for relationships (for more, see How to Be Great at...Read More
Samiha is a college freshman. Despite coming from a home with limited financial resources, Samiha was able to develop her artistic talents through part-time work in a local shop where she made weekly changes to the display window. With the help of a school counselor Samiha created an art portfolio and was accepted to a...Read More
What do you do when you really want to share a personal achievement with someone but there’s a conflict? It can greatly intensify our pleasure and satisfaction to celebrate a success with someone else. How can you enjoy that, without appearing arrogant or off-putting? In our first How to Be Great at Relating blogpost, Carlos...Read More
Has someone else’s good news ever made you feel bad about yourself? Even if you are glad for their happiness, it can be tough to admit that you aren’t 100% thrilled. In high school, some friends of mine decided to do early decision to college. I remember one of them coming to me (I’ll call...Read More
Being a skilled listener is an essential step in becoming an excellent listener. But it is not enough. To graduate to the next level of mastery, you must help the speaker feel listened to and understood. It’s not necessarily easy to guide how the speaker experiences your listening. That’s why this more advanced skill is...Read More
To understand what someone is trying to tell you, listening to words alone isn’t enough. Most children communicate with gestures long before they speak. Even as we get older, we continue to communicate mostly through our bodies. I remember my younger cousin Opal watching sign language videos when she was two years old. Opal wasn’t...Read More
In the TV show The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Kimmy advises her friend Titus to feign listening to something boring by imagining that the speaker’s mouth and eyes are flipped. Kimmy claims that this makes her appear interested (or morbidly fascinated), but this distracting fantasy certainly does NOT help her to listen! That’s because it’s all...Read More
Imagine that you really want to tell someone something that is important to you. Picture telling the whole story to a friend (we’ll call her Gwen) who lets you tell your tale unhurried from beginning to end. Gwen faces you, leaning in and making eye contact, her facial expressions and gestures perfectly responsive to your...Read More
If you want to make the most of your productive energy each day, you need to know if you are a lark or an owl. Maybe you are a lark – They tend to wake early and their energy is decidedly highest in the morning. Owls on the other hand feel most alive and productive...Read More
Do you remember the last time people praised you for doing a great job, but all you could think about were the things you could have done better? Because our brains are hardwired to see and solve problems, it’s normal and natural for us to gravitate towards the negative. When stuck in self-critic mode, though,...Read More
