Did you know that trying harder isn’t the real issue for most struggling students? Research shows that many young people today aren’t just unmotivated—they’re disconnected from a real sense of purpose. The World Happiness Report 2025 points to global data showing rising rates of sadness, anger, and anxiety among youth. The root of the problem? A growing lack of meaning.
This resonates with what I see every day in my work with students. When school or college feels like a series of boxes to check, tests to survive, or stepping stones to a future they can’t yet imagine, students begin to disengage. It’s not because they’re lazy. It’s because they don’t know why any of it matters.
The Weight of Performance
Today’s young people often grow up with fewer sources of deep meaning—less connection to community, shared values, or steady role models. In their absence, many turn to external markers like grades, social media validation, or college admissions to feel “good enough.” But these are fragile foundations. When challenges arise, they offer little to hold onto and often shift a young person’s sense of self.
Parents of today’s students were often shaped by standards-based education, where measurable outcomes were the goal. School may have been performative for them, too. It’s no surprise that many default to focusing on effort, achievement, or results—because that’s what they were taught mattered most.
But our kids are showing us that they need something different.
They need space to explore what makes learning feel purposeful, and guidance that helps them connect today’s effort to tomorrow’s possibilities.
Maybe You Remember
Maybe you remember what that felt like—when your own choices were narrowed to a rubric of acceptable to impressive. It might have looked like success from the outside, but inside, it left you smaller.
Your child feels that, too.
When we shrink their complexity to fit inside a narrow definition of success, we risk disconnecting them from what really matters. We may unintentionally teach them to perform instead of participate. To chase approval instead of purpose. That’s when motivation starts to disappear.
Purpose Creates Staying Power
Motivation doesn’t grow from pressure. It grows from purpose.
When young people believe their effort leads somewhere meaningful, they’re more likely to stay with the work—not because it’s easy, but because it matters.
In The Effort Myth, I share how to give your child the Three Gifts of Motivation. These are the lasting conditions that support confidence, autonomy, and direction:
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Competence grows from real, usable skills—not just praise like “You’re smart,” but experiences that build confidence by doing. That might mean completing a tough assignment, organizing a workspace, solving a tricky problem, or asking for help. Confidence grows from action.
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Choices give students a sense of ownership. Even small decisions—like the order of tasks, when to take a break, or which tools to use—can help students feel more in control. When they have a say, they’re more likely to buy in.
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Self-direction connects effort to identity. Your child doesn’t need a five-year plan. But they do need opportunities to explore what matters to them—whether it’s helping others, building things, or solving problems—and begin connecting school to their vision of who they want to become.
Motivation Grows in Relationship
Meaning isn’t found only in achievements—it’s built in relationships. That’s why it matters how we respond when a child is stuck in an emotional storm. Support doesn’t mean stepping back or lowering expectations. It means leading with connection—so a child feels safe enough to reflect, recalibrate, and try again.
When that emotional safety is present, effort feels worthwhile and perhaps exciting—even when it’s hard. Start by listening for what lights your child up—not just what checks a box. Give them room to grow into who they are, not who they think they’re supposed to be. That’s where real learning begins to fuel meaningful independence.
If you’re ready to support your child in a more meaningful way—and maybe even reconnect with parts of yourself in the process—I’m here to help. Together, we’ll clarify what’s working, uncover strengths you may not yet see, and design systems that reflect how your family learns, lives, and leads best.
Become the person who changes your life.™
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