Many school behaviors that look like defiance, carelessness, or lack of motivation are actually intelligent responses to overload.
Read on to understand why, and learn how parents can support students in the right order.
School Today Requires Constant Layers of STOP–SWITCH–START
In the same school—or even the same class—teachers often:
- Use different platforms for teaching, learning, and resources
- Post assignments and requirements in different places
- Change routines and rules frequently to meet various needs
Each change requires students to:
- Stop what they’re doing
- Switch attention (while remembering what they were doing)
- Start again (while processing new information, remembering it, and planning ahead)
Every switch uses working memory. Since it’s a depletable resource, even capable people can easily run down their “supply”.
Over a full day, this becomes mentally and emotionally exhausting, even for capable students.
Why Capable Students Can Start to Struggle
A student who did well when:
- Assignments were smaller
- Structure was higher
- Expectations were clearer
may become anxious, disorganized, or disengaged as executive function demands increase.
This is not about intelligence or effort.
It’s about their load exceeding capacity.
Working Memory: When Size Matters
Think of working memory like plate size.
Some students can carry a platter.
Others have a small plate.
When demands exceed plate size, students may:
- Work quickly to avoid forgetting
- Appear impulsive or careless
- Lose information between steps or screens
- Become lost and disengage
Initially going fast can feel better than going carefully, even if results are worse.
But the scramble is emotionally costly and the brain’s job is to protect first, in the background.
When Executive Function is Overloaded It Can Look Like…
- Missing directions or assignments online
- Meltdowns over “small” tasks
- Procrastination or task-hopping
- Forgetting materials
- Difficulty starting multi-step work
- Blaming assessments when effort doesn’t match results
- Struggling to use feedback
These behaviors signal overload, not refusal to behave.
This is an adaptive strategy, not a character flaw.
The Right Order of Support
Regulation → Capacity → Productivity
Use this sequence before correcting behavior.
REGULATION
“Is the system calm enough to stay online?”
+ Helps
- Calm tone
- Short, neutral statements
- Predictable routines
- Pausing conversations during meltdowns
– Hurts
- Raised voices or sharp tone
- Repeated reminders under stress
- Passive-aggressive cues
- Asking for explanations when overwhelmed
If regulation is low, nothing else works.
CAPACITY
“Is there enough mental space right now?”
+ Helps
- Fewer steps at once
- External reminders
- Reduced switching between platforms
- Assuming forgetting = overload
– Hurts
- Multi-step directions all at once
- “You should know this by now”
- Comparing siblings or past performance
- Expecting independence before capacity is there
Capacity cannot be forced.
PRODUCTIVITY
“Now output makes sense.”
+ Helps
- Clear expectations
- Fewer tasks done consistently
- Feedback focused on improvement
- Systems that reduce remembering
– Hurts
- “Just try harder”
- Moving goalposts after effort
- Using grades as motivation during overload
Productivity is an outcome, not a starting point.
A Simple Parent Check
Before reacting, ask:
Am I asking for productivity when regulation or capacity is actually the problem?
If yes → move down the triangle and use the + /Helps.
If not → do not push harder on the task or do – /Hurts.
Bottom Line
What looks like pushback is often a capable brain protecting itself under load.
Supporting students means:
- Stabilizing regulation
- Supporting capacity
- Letting productivity follow
Think: They’re not giving you a hard time—they are having a hard time.
That’s not lowering standards.
That’s designing and engineering for exactly how brains actually work.
Invitation
I’m developing a diagnostic framework that explains why some people respond to interventions while others stay partially or completely stuck.
Standard approaches often fail despite a person’s knowledge, insight, or motivation.
Instead, they’re caught in a psychological architecture where both staying and leaving, both persisting and stopping, can feel impossible at the same time.
You can access the growing catalog of this work here.
For more on navigating STOP-SWITCH-START and executive function challenges with your student, read my book The Effort Myth.
