We often assume that exploring thoughts and feelings with someone who is stuck will stir them to movement. We offer suggestions, as if the path ahead is obvious:
Why don’t you just _________?
Have you tried __________?
What about __________?
With an anxious person, though, especially one who could be prone to rumination or catastrophic thinking, some seemingly innocent questions can unintentionally deepen their spiral. The result?
Gridlock.
For example:
- “What are you afraid of?” can lead to a rehearsal of feared outcomes.
- “What else could go wrong?” amplifies their catastrophizing.
- “What’s stopping you?” may elicit a long list of barriers.
- “Tell me more about that feeling” can lead to repetitive emotional processing without movement.
Moving Through the Game of Life
When you are trying to help, the goal is not revealing illogical threats. It’s keeping the person moving toward information, action, and –>> small steps of present-moment navigation.
Productivity challenges stem from multiple interconnected factors. You may unintentionally be asking systems to be load-bearing when they have reached capacity.
- Individual Processing: How each person takes in, processes, and uses information varies immensely, even across different situations.
- Executive Function Skills: These are the “managers” of learning and doing – skills like planning, focus, organization, and emotional regulation.
- Uneven Development: Strengths often coexist with areas needing support, even within the same context or task.
- Anxiety, frustration, or shame: Emotions affect learning and performance, regardless of someone’s inherent brightness.
- The Social Ecosystem: Relationships with peers, managers, and family impact a person’s willingness to automatically engage and learn.
Why don’t they just ________?
In real life, factors like anxiety, overwhelm, or unique cognitive styles can significantly impact how executive functions show up. It’s about navigating life’s demands through the dynamics of a unique mind.
These challenges don’t necessarily disappear with age.
That’s where I come in. I’ve spent my career helping people who naturally do things differently find their ways to success.
I create custom strategies that fit you, breaking conventional “rules” about learning and working. Together, we’ll uncover the gifts of greater motivation and focus to boost your competence, improve your choices, and build powerful self-direction.
Learn more about executive function here.
I work directly with individuals who have chronic, longstanding struggles, who have been told to try harder, organize better, or just do it, and for whom those instructions are overwhelming rather than inspiring.
